Update on our rollercoaster week!

Let's see!  We finally made it out of isolation and were doing great early this week.  The doctor started our 7 day countdown to go home because Lenwood hadn't had any brady's since the 22nd.  Yesterday, on Day 3, he started having bradys again - 4 to be exact.  Not sure why.  They'll be running some tests tomorrow to see if he's sick or might need another transfusion.

Maybe he just misses his mom.  On top of all that, I haven't been able to see him since Thursday night.  Friday morning Conrad and Teague were diagnosed with micoplasma aka walking pneumonia which is highly contagious.  Guy and I are doing a round of antibiotics to be safe.  The doctors think it best if we stay away.  I will possibly get to see Lenwood tomorrow with a mask, but they want to confirm that it's ok with the infectious disease person in the hospital when she arrives in the morning.  I miss him so much that I just don't know what to do with myself.   I've tried to stay busy and distracted all weekend, but it's been so hard.  I'm trying so hard to stay positive and focus on the fact that I will get to bring him home in time, but not seeing him is tearing at my soul.  I was barely surviving that by focusing on it being just a few more days until we could bring him home.  Then the bradys returned and well....I just can't even describe it.  I just can't.  There just are not words to describe how awful it is to not be able to touch him, hold him, and smell him  He is six weeks old today.
When you have a baby, every part of your being feels like you should be caring for your baby.  With a NICU baby, there's so much that a mother just cannot do to help her baby.  The one thing I've been able to do is be there with Lenwood even during the first weeks when I couldn't hold him or hardly touch him,  I could be there and talk and sing to him.  What do I do know?  I still pray.  I still pump milk and deliver it to the NICU door (heart wrenching to go and have to walk away).  Mostly, I just ache for him.

Let's see...I know this isn't my usual positive post, but I just wanted to be honest and not try to sugarcoat it.  It stinks and I'm so sad, but I'm going to end with something positive and try to remember this:  He will come home.  I will hold him again.  I will kiss his face again.  I will smell his sweet skin again.  I am so blessed because he is growing and breathing and one day this will all be a faint memory and happiness will fill our home as the laughter of three boys floats through the air.  I am blessed.  Thank you, God, thank you.    'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to not harm you but to prosper you. Plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11